The week before the new school year began a meeting for freshman and youth sports parents was held at the high school. Rob Miller from Proactive Coaching was the guest speaker for The Role of Parents in Athletics. In his message, Miller said parents should be aware of what kids are looking for before, during, and after sporting event practice and games. While the focus was on sports, the message could have been heard by any parent of a student in the Lowell Area School District (LAS).
Introducing Rob Miller
Athletics plays an important role in LAS, but student athletes also have a focus on education. Prior to introducing Rob Miller, Dee Crowley, high school Athletic Director, shared information regarding grade point averages of student athletes by teams. A GPA over 3.5 is common among high school athletes. Many of them go on to earn academic and not athletic scholarships after high school.
Miller has been part of the Proactive Coaching team for 10 years. He has also coached a total of 11 seasons of basketball. He never anticipated taking on the role of speaking to athletes, coaches, and parents. He first started addressing National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics (NAIA) members and grew from there.
It’s Miller’s hope that those he speaks to will think about their actions. And he has received feedback indicating his presentations are doing just that. When asked about what challenges student athletes and parents face today he responds, “If not careful you fall into the trap of playing everyday all year-long.” Sports can have a role in life but should not encompass it entirely. Miller continues, “It only makes the athlete run down and tired. But [sports] also takes away from needed down time as a family. Be involved, enjoy it, try a lot of things but realize over commitment leads to under commitment for all.”
Great Teams
According to MIller a great team is one which reaches potential and has nothing to do with talent. Decisions are what makes or breaks a team. He looks at two factors in determining if you are part of a good team. There should be no regrets and the members of the team think of themselves as (team)mates for life. Long after high school or college when a sport is completed you’ll know you were part of a good team if you still keep in touch with those who participated with you. Miller shared he knows where all but two of the almost 40 members of one of his past basketball teams decades after playing together.
A team could be a group of marching band members, those in a choir, or thespians performing on stage. It can even be a group of friends with something in common. Children and adults can be part of teams whether or not they are sports related. And a team leader can be anyone. It doesn’t have to be the most popular person or best athlete. Miller sees social media as a killer when it comes to leadership. He says confrontations are being held online at places like Facebook rather than face to face. And the role of parents in conflict resolution is becoming such that athletes are not allowed or able to come to an understanding on their own.
A coach is also an important part of a great team. A good coach will “intentionally coach” says Miller. The number one job of a coach is to teach about life and the skills needed to be successful in life. He asked if an athlete will remember a certain play, stance, or move to gain advantage over another team. He suggested the longest lasting memories will be cheering for teammates, a memorable road trip, or something which doesn’t have anything to do with coaching sports specific skills.
The Role of Parents
Miller urges parents to be there for their student athletes. Sports should be a fun, enjoyable experience for everyone involved. When students are young they play sports because “having fun in being silly” but as they mature “having fun is learning skills”. At some point an athlete must want to learn skills in order for a sport to be fun. If it continues to just be “silly” perhaps there’s another type of team better for these students. That said, “learning skills” doesn’t mean being the best on the team. It’s being the best an individual can be while contributing to a team.
Students are giving up traditional sports at a rate of 74% says Miller. He contributes this to burn-out, specialization (60% of athletes likely to drop out with a focus on just one sport), and relationships with coaches and parents. Parents need to release their kids to the game each and every time.
When grandparents, friends, and family other than parents come to watch students play they typically are just happy to be there. Grandparents especially will tell their student athlete they did a good job and it was fun watching. Miller believes parents should take on this supportive role and just have fun watching young athletes compete.
Finally, Miller spoke of the role of a parent before, during, and after a sporting event.
Parent Role – Before
Prior to the start of a sport’s season, a practice, or a game parents should release their children. Miller says problems and failure should be theirs. It’s okay to fail. Part of learning is failing. Kids should be willing to fail and parents should be willing to let them.
Know why your child(ren) wants to play a certain sport. Does he or she really want to play or is pressure felt from an adult to carry on a torch, seek an athletic scholarship, or some other reason not indicative of personal reasons. It’s okay if a student decides to stop playing a particular sport. If it’s not fun and friendships aren’t being made a lack of effort can follow.
Typically student athletes see certain actions from their parents one way. Their perception of these actions may not be reality but it’s what they base their own conclusions on nonetheless. The following are a few examples.
- Athletes hate it when parents are taking notes and tracking stats. They can perceive this as an adult worrying about a performance.
- Paying for performance teaches about self and not team. A player does not learn about being part of a supportive team win or lose when all he or she is thinking about out making the next great play to impress a parent and earn money.
- It takes longer for a parent to get over a loss than it does a student athlete. By the end of a losing game players are usually willing to learn what could have gone better but they’re also eager to move on. When it comes to youth sports mention snacks after a game and they’ve forgotten about whether they’ve won or lost.
- Release students to their coach. After making sure kids are safe in whatever sporting program they are participating in, let them go. Follow school or league rules and process if there are issues. Is there a chain of command? Most of the time student athletes do not need parents to engage. If something is not going the way an athlete would like see if he or she can solve the problem without interference. This shows trust and confidence on behalf of the parent.
Parents should feel comfortable going to a coach if needed. If their child is trying to hide an injury in order to keep playing the coach should be notified. If their child wants to improve let the coach know in order to receive tips and suggestions. And if their child is acting differently with a coach compared to at home a conversation may be needed to see if there’s a reason.
Parent Role – During
When it’s game time and you’re ready to cheer on your child Miller suggests “don’t freak out”. If your student athlete looks over and sees a parent with covered eyes, glares toward an official, or hands on hips or head in frustration he or she may look to see what’s wrong. The focus will no longer be on the game.
Miller believes parents are in attendance at sporting events to encourage their children. Be a cheerleader. There should only be one instructional voice – that of the coach. The officials, coaches, parents, players and spectators should all know their roles and stay in them without crossing over to another role during the course of a game.
A story about the actions of parents during sporting events wouldn’t necessarily be acceptable during a team putting on a performance on stage. If a member of a band played a wrong note or wasn’t keeping up with the music or someone forgot his or her line or had a prop malfunction on stage it’s not likely a parent would stand up in the middle of a performance and yell something to the effect of, “Hey, that kid missed a queue and the conductor/director didn’t do anything about it!!”
Parent Role – After
Miller indicated when student athletes are asked what their best memory about sports is will typically reference being part of a team. Their worst memory is usually the ride home after the game with parents.
Win or lose kids don’t typically want to rehash a game once it is over. With a win they don’t want to be reminded of their great plays. Likewise with a loss or poor performance they don’t want to be reminded of the negative things. Parents should build confidence and not cut it. If the student seems interested in talking about the game discuss positive effort and attitude.
Cheer for Your Student
Take on the role of cheerleader for your student and his or her team. Kids need passions. Let them follow those passions. Parents shouldn’t determine these passions for their child(ren). Miller’s presentation was humorous but also to the point.
Kids in youth sports start at a younger age than past years. They’re not given opportunities to have fun, imagine, and resolve conflicts without being in an adult controlled situation. They need good first experiences being introduced to various sports. Part of this experience is noting how parents and other adults in their life act and react.
Middle school and high school sports are where students have more of a focus on learning skills. But that doesn’t mean these students don’t want to enjoy the game they’re playing. Perhaps it’s during these years confidence building is most crucial.
Miller closed with a reminder for parents to be aware of their words and actions and how their own child as well as others on the team will construe and react. Being positive is further reaching and more productive than negativity. Parents and athletes should be on the same page. Discussions about why a student wants to play and what will be gained from the experience are encouraged.
Crowley is proud of high school athletes as they strive to excel in sports and academics. “ In the end, we want our sons/daughters to enjoy sports no matter skill or ability, develop friendships, be a good teammate, fight through adversity, and become leaders in our community.” Through Pink Arrow Pride efforts and helping youth with summer sports camps these students are well on their way.
Get out this year and cheer on Red Arrow teams. And if you or someone you know haven’t found a team yet keep looking for where you’ll find friends and memories which will last a lifetime.
Leave a Reply